Greetings friends, readers, and perhaps a few arch-nemeses; I, The Reckless Gastronome, have returned from the future with a new beverage. In a move that surprises no one, the Coca-Cola Company easily weathers the Dystopian Wars, The Great Rebuilding, The Great Unbuilding, The Greater Rebuilding, and the Neo-Dystopian War: An Excuse to Use the Prefix Neo. The new flavor Y3000 or Y3K if you want to see if you can recycle any of your old Y2K jokes, claims to be co-created with Artificial Intelligence, although what that entails is unknown.
Is it a computer program? A cyborg? A forgotten can of New Coke that developed sapience when it was bombarded with gamma radiation? We just don’t know. Likewise its flavor is equally nebulous with the label calling it “Futuristic Flavored.” Which future? 1950’s Pop Sci-Fi with ray guns and fish bowl helmets? Gritty Post Apocalypse with ruins and rusty implement with a hint of cannibal raiders? A Neon Corporatocracy with mega-corporations that rule our lives with an iron fist and morality based on the bottom line? Sort of like life now but with cooler lighting? Coca-Cola is keeping mum like it always does with its Creations line of limited time flavors, so that leaves me open to tell you what I think it tastes like, and no one can stop me. In my unwarranted arrogant opinion (I’m certainly not going to call it a humble opinion) it tastes like tutti frutti bubble gum or ice cream.
The future tastes like a flavor that’s been around at least since the 1860’s. Is the future steam punk? I’ve invested in top hats, goggles and brass gears just in case. If you are wondering what tutti frutti is and don’t have access to Wikipedia or Little Richard, it’s a blend of candied fruits and vanilla. Notably cherries, watermelon, raisins and pineapple, but in practice anything hyper-sweet and fruity can get labelled. So final question, is it any good? Depending on how many nano-bots are in your bloodstream and if you can pass a CAPTCHA you’ll probably find it a bit on the cloying side, but not offensively so. Not better than the Coca-Cola Starlight, but better than most of their other Creations.
Found at a 7-11
By Martin Peyruc
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